Q&A: Wedding Canopy Not Through the Rabbinate
Wedding Canopy Not Through the Rabbinate
Question
Hello,
A secular family approached me who are marrying off their son. He is not interested in going through the Rabbinate, but he is willing to have a religious ceremony. I am the closest thing to a rabbi that they know (even though I am far from that, both in terms of formal ordination and in terms of knowledge).
I would appreciate an overview of the things that are important to know so that the ceremony will be halakhically valid / valid according to Jewish law (I’m asking several questions here, but if I missed something critical I’d be glad to know):
A. The witnesses — they have to be Sabbath-observant, right? If he insists on certain witnesses who are not, is it still permitted to recite the betrothal blessings or the marriage blessings?
B. The ketubah — I understand that the couple want “their own ketubah,” presumably some kind of modern wording or another. What must be in the ketubah for it to be valid, and if the conditions are not met, is it still permitted to conduct the ceremony anyway (from the standpoint of blessings in vain and things like that)?
Also, if the halakhic conditions are too complicated for me, can I refer them to you, or to some organization you know that deals with this?
Answer
A. If he insists on witnesses who are not valid, I would not cooperate at all. If he wants your services, he has to accept the guidelines (after some flexibility on whatever can be flexible).
B. As for the ketubah, it can be translated into Hebrew, but one should insist on the existing text. Changing the wording of the ketubah (even if it is possible) requires expertise that you do not have. And again, someone who is not interested should show respect and do it himself.
In general, I am not enthusiastic about doing things like this. If someone is not interested in halakhic betrothal / marriage, then there is no point in doing it for him. It is his betrothal, not his parents’ betrothal. In the end, if he thinks this is only a folkloric ceremony and does not understand that this is a binding act, it is not clear to me to what extent the betrothal even takes effect for him.
The situation is of course different in the case of someone who is not interested in the Chief Rabbinate, but does want halakhic betrothal / marriage. That is a different world. Anyone interested in that, including flexibility on what can be flexible, can contact the organization Mavoi Satum (search online), and there they will also provide them with a rabbi who can perform it properly and with flexibility, but outside the Rabbinate framework.
“Anyone who is not expert in the nature of bills of divorce and betrothal should not deal with them to issue rulings, for he can easily make a mistake and permit a forbidden sexual relationship, and cause illegitimate offspring to proliferate among the Jewish people” (Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer, section 49).
If you are, by your own definition, far from being a rabbi, it is better not to get involved in this.
It would be better if you connected the couple with rabbis who can arrange a wedding canopy and betrothal for them not through the Rabbinate, as Rabbi Michi advised.